It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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