I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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