she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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