i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
