I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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