I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
