i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
