So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
