you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
