They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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