i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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