weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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