i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
