I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
