i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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