I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
