Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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