hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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