He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
