mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
