You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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