I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
