Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
