I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
