We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
