i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
