My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
