I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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