don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
