dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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