At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
