I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
