farters have to be the big spoon...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
