Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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