Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
