Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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