I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
