I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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