i just google imaged poop.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
