idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
