Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
