Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
