I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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