I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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