After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
