you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
