glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize