i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
