I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
