just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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