party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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