I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
