You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
