i permit you to call me
I looked at my own cervix.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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