are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
