wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wanna passion pit in your ass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
