why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize