You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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