I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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