Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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