Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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