that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
50% drunk capacity currently
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
