Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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