Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
