We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
