This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
