i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
