I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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