Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
