just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So squirting runs in the family.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Damn victory sex feels great
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize