let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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