I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize