So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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