I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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