the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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