I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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