i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
