I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
