Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
