Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
time to smoke my breakfast
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
