He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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