so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
