My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
only you would photoshop your dick
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
