I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
