went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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