conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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