Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize