I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
