i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
