I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
