i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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