oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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