wat bout pragnant strippers??
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
