when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
