but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
