You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
