Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
