Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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