i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
