ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
