Your dad touched me again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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