Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
