I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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