Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
