what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
